Sunday, March 04, 2007

Don't Ask

You know how sometimes a random thought will pop into your head, which leads to other random thoughts and pretty soon you are wondering why in the heck you're thinking about whatever? That happened to me a couple of nights ago. We had hamburgers for supper, and my husband can't eat hamburgers without baked beans. I have a small pot that I use to cook the beans. When I was unloading the dishwasher and putting the pot away, it occurred to me (randomly) that if I kicked off, hubby wouldn't even know where to find the pot to cook his beans. Next random thought was that my daughter would know, but she's going to college in the fall, so there would be no woman around to help him with the cooking of the beans situation. Random thought number three was about an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode in which the women were choosing second wives for their husbands in the event of their demise.

This is a bad idea, which led me to thinking about questions women ask men that should remain unasked. Here is a short list.

1. If I died, would you remarry? Now, I don't want my husband to be unhappy, and if remarrying would make him happy, he should do it. I just don't want to know the details while I'm still around. And I sure as heck don't want to know who would replace me (Jennifer Love Hewitt).

2. What's wrong? I learned a long time ago that this is not a question to ask a guy. Apparently, it implies that he is not acting the way he should be acting, which is quite insulting. So even if he looks like this and is slamming doors, just be quiet.

3. What are you thinking about? He may not even be aware of his thoughts. The dangerous thing about this query is that you might get an answer. And he quite possibly could have been thinking about something that bores you to tears and now you have to spend the next thirty minutes listening to, say, a blow by blow of every drive and putt from his last eighteen holes of golf. That's okay with me, because I like golf, but I'm betting a lot of ladies don't want to pay a penny for those thoughts. I'm just saying.

4. What do you want for dinner? He doesn't care as long as it's hot and tasty.

5. Does this make me look fat? Men hate this question. There is no right answer. They don't even know what you mean by "fat." Do I look like the Goodyear blimp? Can you tell I'm experiencing monthly bloat? Can you see the holiday pounds I haven't lost yet? I can honestly say that I have never asked my husband if I look fat, and there is a very good reason (aside from the fact that men hate it). Cuz I own a mirror.


Anonymous Bill said...

You sure are getting good with your blog. Where did the "help" come from? The pictures are important.

5:35 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

Or you could ask "What are you thinking?" while you're sitting on the couch snuggling near to the fire and get an answer similar to "The other day at work, I was talking to Greg, and he told me about this 95-pound pit bull he raised once. I want to beef up my dog, then she could take ANY dog." What??! Or, "Does this make me look fat?" "Yes. But that could just be because your thighs are, in fact, enormous." He was joking, though. I think...

8:19 AM  
Blogger Mom Thumb said...

bill - Blogger is good with the help. Led me step by step through obtaining pictures. There are a couple of other things I have questions about that I think I might have to ask Jeff. Now he's REALLY good!

jess - There you go. I'm sure you could have gone all day without knowing what he was thinking!

8:31 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Funny! I ask my hubby "what's wrong" and get "nothing" while he's slamming doors and generally skulking about. I must remember to take your advice. Just. don't. ask.

And I'm fairly certain that everything makes me look fat because I am, indeed, fat.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh yeah, and I love that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond...

I have no idea who I would pick for my husband.

8:51 PM  
Anonymous Lois said...

You sure were on the mark with your questions and answers!!! Numbers 2, 3 and 4 are Bill--100%. I've never asked him 1 and 5!!! Love your blog!!

8:04 AM  
Blogger Mom Thumb said...

heather - I am a Raymond rerun addict. My fave is when Ray is blaming Debra's mood on PMS and Marie slaps the crap out of him. Classic!

lois - There are lots of other questions I don't ask, these are just the top five!

10:30 AM  

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