Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Foodnetwork.not

I love the food network. And I love to cook. I like trying new things, sometimes getting fancy, but mostly cooking is a way of nurturing. For instance, I spent last Sunday afternoon using leftover turkey to make a pot pie and a casserole to send back to school with my daughter. After which, I made a batch of apple cinnamon jelly and a batch of hot pepper relish.

The food network has started doing holiday shows, which fascinate me. The fascination part being how they can spend so much time doing things that are completely unnecessary. There are some things we can do without.

We don't really need to talk about fruitcake because we all know there are many uses for fruitcake that do not include ingesting it. Speed bumps, sending it to the troops so they can drop it on the enemy, the list is endless.

Mincemeat. The dried fruit is good, but then you get to the meat. It reminds me of the 'Friends' episode where Rachel makes the trifle, mixes up the pages in the cookbook and puts beef sauteed with onions in the middle. "It tastes like feet!"

Giblet gravy. I like it but my family will gag and run for the barf pan if I put anything in the gravy besides maybe mushrooms. So I just eat the liver, gizzard and heart myself, which grosses them out anyway. In our house, gravy comes from a can.

Scalloped potatoes. Thanksgiving potatoes are mashed and covered with canned gravy. And the potatoes come out of a box. You mix them with milk and some butter. I used to boil potatoes and mash them until I discovered that my family liked the kind in the box better.

Homemade egg nog. Alton Brown has a recipe that uses 4 eggs, a pint of whole milk, a cup of heavy cream, some sugar, bourbon and freshly ground nutmeg. Egg nog comes in a carton. You pour it out into a glass and, if you like, you add some booze. Feel free to sprinkle some nutmeg, from a small can, on top.

Stuffing with nuts or worse, oysters or sausage. I like oysters, just not in my stuffing. Stuffing comes in a box. You add water and butter.



Last, but by no means least, cranberry sauce. The food network chefs go out into the bog and pick fresh cranberries, bring them home and do weird things to them. They add nuts and other kinds of fruit and make a huge deal out of the 'presentation' and how beautiful the dish is. Cranberry sauce should have can lines. Period.

7 Comments:

Blogger KiddoKare1 said...

If I made mashed potatoes from a box, my family would revolt. LOL. But I get what you mean. Have you ever been reading a book where they're talking about what they're eating and it's all this weird, unpronounceable food? I mean really, what eats that stuff? Give me a good old fashioned chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy any day. LOL

7:00 AM  
Anonymous lois said...

I am with you, all the way. Anything I can buy that's ready to eat, is what I go for!!! Loved your post!!! I quit cooking and mashing potatos a LONG time ago!!And my gravy comes out of a jar, or a can too! And yup--the cranberries, too. Makes it a lot easier, doesn't it! Love you--Lois

6:42 PM  
Blogger Mom Thumb said...

tracy - Yeah, I always used to do the mashed potatoes from scratch but we were somewhere visiting and there were boxed taters and my family loved them, so I figured why slave over a hot stove!

lois - Hi! The canned gravy is lower in fat - and lumps - than my homemade.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Funny! But you're making me hungry!

7:55 PM  
Blogger Mom Thumb said...

jeff - Well, Thanksgiving is just around the corner, so pig on out. Just be careful with those spoons. You could put somebody's eye out.

7:16 AM  
Anonymous Jess said...

Cranberry Sauce = large, gelatinous, can-shaped clump. /conversation

2:40 PM  
Blogger Mom Thumb said...

jess - Yeah, I actually bought cranberries in a bag in an attempt to eat even more fresh fruits and veggies than I already do, and they're not very good. Must . . . add . . . sugar . . .

6:06 PM  

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